In C S Lewis’s letters there’s a story about a man named Phelps who was the Provost of Oriel College (Oxford) and one evening hosted at high table a visitor named Jenner, a fellow of Jesus College, who was, unbeknownst to Phelps, a fanatical teetotaler. When Phelps poured him a glass of wine, Jenner said, “Sir, I would rather commit adultery than drink a glass of that.” To which Phelps, in a low, stern voice: “So would we all, Jenner; but not at the table, if you please.”

Alan Jacobs @ayjay