Alan Jacobs


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I went to bed at night looking forward to my nineses and then, as soon as I woke up, I stumbled out of bed, dressed and went to Delectica before I was even properly awake. Although I loved them and should have savoured them, I started gobbling my doughnut and drinking my coffee in a hurry, gobbling and slurping them down in such a frenzy that I barely tasted a thing. Before I knew it the high point of my day was over with. It was only 8.45am and there was nothing to look forward to. I also found it increasingly difficult to keep my rapture to myself.

One morning, as I gobbled my doughnut and slurped my coffee, thinking to myself, “What a fantastic doughnut, what an amazing coffee,” I realised that I had not just thought this but was actually saying aloud, “What a fantastic doughnut! What a totally fantastic experience!”, and that this was attracting the attention of the other customers, one of whom turned to me and said, “You like the doughnuts, huh?”

“And the coffee!” I said. “The doughnut would be nothing without the coffee – and vice versa.”

“Where you from?” he said.

“England.”

“Don’t they have doughnuts like that in England?”

“Not like this, they don’t,” I said. “I’ve spent 20 years searching for just such a doughnut. Now that I’ve found it I can go to my grave a happy man. I’ve achieved everything I wanted from life.”

“Well, enjoy,” he said, as though I had been making a joke.